Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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