i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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