So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
