Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
