Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
