y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
