dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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