Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
