The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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