He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
