Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
