Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
