I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
