i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
