i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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