either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
