PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
