Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've blown a few things in my day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
