I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
