so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
