Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize