note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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