Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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