I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize