i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
