The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
