Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize