No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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