Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
