Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize