Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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