I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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