Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
