Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
