She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
