i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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