pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
