You really coming over, don't trick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
