see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
