Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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