i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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