ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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