he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
