Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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