so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
