oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
