Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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