Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
