please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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