Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
