so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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