If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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