I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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