im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
