he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
