Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
