well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
