i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Randomize
