Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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