we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
