Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
