Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
