but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize