You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
