And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
