Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
