Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
