Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
