that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize