Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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