another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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