when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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